I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
