but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
