I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
