Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
