I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
