I met the friendliest cop last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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