tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
