he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
