I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
