he puts the penis in happiness.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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