Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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