Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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