kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
