I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
No subtext here. People are naked.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize