i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
