Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize