I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
if only i could text you this smell
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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