My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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