Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
