for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
