When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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