do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
