and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
