I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize