I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
