Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
