I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
