Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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