I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
