After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
