there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
