Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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