i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
