is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize