is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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