i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
