She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
