I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
