So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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