Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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