I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
