no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
