I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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