I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
