He kissed a someone with a penis
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
