Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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