Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
