i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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