We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They took my balls.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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