I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Randomize
