I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
