Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
