can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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