i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
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