also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
