Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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