So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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