that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
