Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
