I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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