weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
