my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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