I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
