He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
