Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
