I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
