hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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