i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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