the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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