i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
