Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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