TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize