Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
