i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
