have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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