he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
