i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
