Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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