Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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