it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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