Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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