Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
