i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
