I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
