Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
