She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
