I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
