So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
