at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
