I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
