You made me cry and you don't even care
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
