please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
