I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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