I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
