He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
