I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
