im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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