He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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