then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
