I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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