I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
