He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
