All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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