I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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