Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
