Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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