u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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