why didn't you poke me back
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
