Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
