i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I did not marry a roomba.
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