go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
