so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
